It’s those little things that count.
Friday 20th August, 2010 - 4:25pm
Last night, my friends and I hung out for the one last time before returning to college. We ended our night with with a trip to the movie theater watching The Expendables. Although I won’t spoil the plot, I will say that I thought to myself that the movie was not worth the watch for the first half of the movie. Things got more interesting toward the end so it’s passable. After we left the theater, my friends were talking about the movie like everyone else were. Now since I’m normally “the quiet one” in the group, I am the one who listens to what others have to say and not my opinion unless it’s really necessary. After everyone else expressed their opinions, one friend asked me what I thought of the movie. I, being the honest friend I am, said that it was “kind of boring and really wasn’t worth the watch unless one had the patience to sit through it”…Or so I would’ve said had another friend not interrupted me after my saying the phrase “worth the watch.” This another friend said that such reaction is expected since I’m just a girl. He continued with something like how girls would be bored by excessive action and lack of drama/romance.
Before I go any further, I would like to point out that this is not a complaint entry in response to his [this another friend] statement. This entry does, however, point out how it’s the accumulation of tolerance of subtle gender inequalities that “grow” into something bigger. It also allows me to revisit the whole concept of what being a feminist is all about. Be warned: what I’m about to say might not be what you’re expecting to read. I suspect that my views might come out to be a little cold and harsh. However, I will not use any profanity so rest assured.
As far as I know, there is no objectively correct way of being a feminist. If you believe that women are equal to men in every – except biological – aspect and advocate equal treatment regardless of gender, then you are a feminist. Then again, that’s how others see it. I, on the other hand, will go even further and define feminism as acknowledgment of equality in every – again, except biological – aspect regardless of sex. Note that I didn’t say gender for there is a slight difference between sex and gender. Sex is biologically defined whereas gender is socially defined. Therefore, I will refer “women” as females and “men” as males to help make things universally easier. Believe me, there are places that don’t classify gender the way the westerners do.
Going back to what my friend said about how I’m just a girl, he excused my boredom just because I’m “a girl” and that it’s expected for “a girl” to be more into drama and romance and everything else in between. Why though? Is it really because only we females are “programmed” to love that sort of thing? After all, the society finds it acceptable for females to react emotionally when watching a romantic movie and give a slightly-bored – or even better, appalled – reaction in response to a more action/physical movie. On the contrary, it is considered more “normal” for the males to be excited in response to action and suppress their own feelings in response to more sentimental genres. I guess this is why he expected for me to find The Expendables to be boring [at first] which isn’t the case. I won’t get into too much details, but the main reason I was slightly disappointed is because it was a little overdone by my standards. That’s all there is to it. But since I’m a girl, it just had to be because it was *exaggeration* all action and no plot *end exaggeration* right?
The aforementioned experience serves as a good example of how subtle inequality builds up to something even bigger: gender inequality. As mentioned, it was “understandable” for me to not find the entire movie exciting. But when a male says the same thing, he’s “at risk of losing his manhood.” Where did I get that? I overheard some random guy saying that to one of his male friends who had the similar reaction to the movie as mine. See the difference in the expectation? If so, I guess there’s no need for me to talk about my work experience then. I’m sure quite a few of you would agree: females are typically treated a little more leniently than males are. In the short run, we females enjoy the luxury of convenience and forgiveness. However in the long run, we are seen as a group of people who are to be treated with less expectations, thus seen as “less” than our male counterparts.
What’s sad is that, the way I see it, quite a few self-appointed feminists want to retain the feminine behaviors and treatments while fighting for equality. As nice as it sounds, I find that to be simply impossible. What they fail to see is that some of those nice treatments that we are getting are due to gender inequality. How do we know if those treatments or expectations are sources of inequality? Easy: if it is considered “abnormal” for our male counterparts to request those same treatments that are considered “normal” for females to receive.
This is where things get a little extreme: in order to truly attain equality, we might have to renounce some of the luxuries that we’re currently enjoying. Here’s a good example: clothing. It is totally acceptable for females to wear relatively more revealing attires for casual wear – i.e. short shorts – while males…not so much. [Sports attires are excluded.] In formal events, there are multiple designs of dresses for “women”. Although there are minor detailed differences in “men’s” formal attires, the overall design is more similar. The major difference between the males and females is that with females, it’s all about how they’re “decorated”. Just look at the make-up, hair, accessories, and of course dresses. Males don’t have much option because “they don’t need to worry about it too much“.
Long-story short, get rid of this gender-divided fashion. That means it’s whether we deem these attires acceptable for for everyone to wear or just get rid of such attires altogether. Told you this entry is going to be harsh. After all, wouldn’t it be unreasonable of us females to fight for “equality” while retaining some those luxurious [discriminatory] treatment we get? If we want equality, we have to take one small step at a time. In the end, it’s those little things that count.
I have just added you
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Sorry for the double post
! I was doing my routine :O!
Some movies can be interesting, or not depending on the individual taste- not sexism. I mean- I kinda really dislike romance/drama movies. But I`m a girl- and it kinda.. Breaks .. The.. yeah :O! There is nothing wrong of being a male or a female. Therefore, there shouldn`t be any unequality there. But with the attires- its just the guys who doesn`t care, as long as its “acceptable” that isn`t really fair.
my, I really want to watch that movie for the fact that Jet Li is one of the cast.
) It has been years since he made a movie, eh? 
You go girl. I sure am with you with the equality thing.
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I haven’t watched the movie yet… and I think that if I will, I would probably have the *after watching* comment too.
Anyway, totally agree with you regarding inequality.. I like the way you explained your side
I’m so happy I’m your affie. I just love your blog topic ^_^ They’re long but awesome
Okay, had to take deep breaths after your friends comment. I’m resuming reading now lol. Loved the distinction! I’ve never really realized that how gender is a social construct and sex is a biological difference.
Ugh, I get so pissed when men downgrade each other before they’re not “man-enough”. I’ve heard the argument that men just are more physical than women – bullcrap. That still doesn’t excuse the blatant disregard of one’s opinion. It’s pathetic. If a man likes romance, he’s automatically deemed gay but if he likes action – oh wow! He’s a real man. -.- Some of my gayest male friends in the past have been deeply into action movies. While stereotypes do come from places, it must be observed that everyone will not fit perfectly into one category or the other. Ugh.
Just recently I had this discussion with a friend from college who had these stupid “traits” each gender could do. For example, it was okay for women to change in the same room, but it was not okay for men to do the same.
Even in advertisements, women are portrayed as adorable and playful while men are portrayed as stoic and mature. It makes me so angry!
You’re exactly right. For women, their worth is put into how beautiful they are while men, their worth is put in how mature they are I feel. Beauty and maturity can’t be even put in the same room when comparing which represents a well-rounding adult.
I didn’t go as far to that but i instead went this route with my friend: Why is it okay that women take on presumably masculine clothing and traits and it’s deemed socially okay but when a man takes on femine traits like wearing a scarf or tighter pants then the demeaning insult to them is that they dress like a girl. That tells me, that the ultimate goal of women should be to be a man since men insult each other by calling each other girls when one of them even hints at having emotions that aren’t in sync with “being a man”. I’m over it.
But to separate gender-specific clothing: I’m only a fan of some of it. No man should ever wear a dress lol. It’s too disturbing. I don’t want to see a man in stillettos to be honest. But then again, I don’t like women in stilletos either. But I do love seeing men where short shorts when they’re exercising or just out in about. I love tight clothes on men because while the feminine physique could be described by curves, male physic is marked by strength and I love man legs. Love them. I think more men should wear tighter clothes. You see what I got, I should see what you got >:)
Like — uh. the guys wear what is deemed “appropriate” for them and thats all they care about. Sorry, I`m bad at explaining
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Thank you!
! Apparently, a lot of people from my school loves those chocolates :O!!
Never heard of the movie before o_o I’m usually the quiet type too =D
I haven’t watched the movie yet.
Btw, I love your post, Sis. <3
I had a favorite bird-flying type of pokemon at one time!! It was Skarmory
I love action comedies, but I can’t understand men’s fascination for buffed full-fledged action. Like Rambo, The Wrestler etcetc. It seems like guys do have their chickflicks too! They’re called guy-crys and Shawshank Redemption (or whatever it is called) has apparently made a lot of men to cry. : DDD
I went really aww, when I saw all the weeping boys in my English class when we saw The Constant Gardener.
Yeah, actually I’m trying to figure out why my post was displayed twice on single pages with comments! The title wasn’t….I tried looking at the coding of my pages but didn’t see anything repeated twice….Do you think I set it to “excerpt” instead of “full story” and that’s why it’s repeating??
Anyways, I don’t think men or women should have to conform to gender expectations either. Every person is unique and not everyone fits the stereotypes of their gender, like guys not showing emotion and liking only action movies. Once this guy said that he cried watching Marley and Me when Marley dies, and I thought that was kind of adorable, rather than effeminate.
I personally associate feminism with the mindset that females are almost superior to males, but I suppose that it can also refer to the equal treatment. I just have a bad taste in my mouth for feminists, because a lot of the time I see a feminist advocating for something, it seems a bit extreme and almost the same sort of deal as chauvinistic men.
Anyhow.
I mostly agree with your standpoint. I find it HIGHLY unlikely that our society is going to change enough so that men feel inclined to wear more feminine clothes and women will wear more masculine clothes, simply because it’s ingrained in our society and, as such, women like feeling “pretty” —probably somewhat due to our programming, though— and men like feeling strong.
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A great read, top work.
As usual, great reading.